Trust me, I’m Not a Doctor

  It’s  been a few days and I’ve been drawing a blank about what I want to write about and post next on TME.  I have also just come from my therapist and had a pretty good session that’s left me feeling fairly positive about where I’m at right now in my life. Life is good!

So,

…I thought i’d take a bit of my own {invaluable) advice | from my very 1st post – Beginning, and just start writing; churn out 200 words and see where it takes me. Trust in the creative process, trust in my own creativity, trust in myself  I suppose? Well, there ya go;  I guess I’ve found my topic of discussion TRUST! And that was much fewer than 200 words. Fewer than 100 even.

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First of all,

…it’s probably fair to say most of us enjoy the feeling of trusting over the feeling of not-trusting.

Based on the  ‘you get more clarity on what you DO want the more fully you comprehend what it is you DON’T want‘  approach to things, let’s have a look at lack of trust 1st.

It’s probably also fair to say that most of us have conversations going on in our heads. Conversations about people, places, things – and – about who, what, when – and – about how things have, are or will play out.

These internal dialogues are probably what most determines our level of trust in life in general. Whether they are based on actual, experienced events (either recent or from distant archived, very fallible  memories), here-say, gossip, handed down family tales, TV news, movies or books; wherever they come from, it doesn’t really matter: they are all stories that go into creating our ‘reality‘.

Stories we tell ourselves – usually daily and continually enough until they become Beliefs. These beliefs tell us what we can and cannot trust. More often than not they are usually stories about people and things other than ourselves, things outside our self.  Although they certainly also are, all too often, negative or skewed stories about our self as well. Things we don’t like or want. Things we don’t trust about others, the world and ourselves.

AND,

…in my usual TME fashion, I’m going to poke around at all that a little bit (or maybe a lot) and look at how those thoughts and beliefs just might be undermining our sense of safety, stability and trust in life.
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AN EXERCISE

Let’s take a few minutes and make a LIST | An I DO NOT TRUST list:

I don’t trust {who/what/where/when?} give it some time and thought — it can be a long list.

~ some time and thought passes …

Are there any common factors [besides yourself of course] in the items on your list?  You don’t have to tell TME …you can just make a personal note of them.

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 There are a couple of factors that we can look at today that usually are involved when we make a decision to trust or not.

1. There’s the cognitive factor involved in situations like:
“The train is usually on time, so I’m trusting it will be on time again today.”

Not an impractical mindset when planning your daily travel schedule. Not foolproof; yet not impractical either. It’s easy and perhaps often most useful to rely on your thinking faculties for determining what to trust in these types of situations.

But

…what about relationships and other big decisions where the risks are higher and a ‘wrong‘ choice might cost you significantly? Not only do we need our thinking faculties but we need to draw on  other parts of ourselves  in making a decision we can trust.

Not a  guaranteed  decision mind you — but a higher degree of trust than our thinking alone might provide.

Sorry ’bout that — I know we all want guarantees — but I can’t promise you that. Trust doesn’t work quite that way- that’s why it’s called..  well, …trust!

Which brings us to factor #

2. Our feelings. Our gut. Our intuition.              Yes, our FEELINGS

Sorry again readers – we’re back here once more ~ F E E L I N G S ~
“Won’t they ever leave me alone!?”,  I can hear you say.
This site should be called feelingsmadeeasy  not therapymadeeasy!

Our feelings are our connection to our greater knowing. They are our best shot at a guarantee; or the closest to it we’re going to get.  IMHO

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Before I go any further, I must add here:

…I am not saying feelings are infallible | or will always get us what we want | or will always lead us to our best decisions. They too can often enough lead us astray.  What I am saying is that oftentimes, especially in relationships, family, friendships, matters of the heart♥, hopes and dreams we hold for ourselves and in other similar situations, we might serve ourselves better by factoring in our feelings.        Just sayin’.

And I know …finding that balance between head and heart is usually
easier said than done.
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Oh I can just hear myself — it’s kind of embarrassing — lecturing like Dr. Phil. I must have been Dr. Phil (or a version of him) in another life. Or maybe I’m a version of him now. Apologies everyone. How embarrassing.

Oh well… never mind. I’ve come this far, might as well continue. I’ll deal with the fallout with my therapist.
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“Why?

…would I want to risk trusting people | and the world in general | more?    What’s the payoff* What’s in it for ME?”

Okay dear reader, not sure if this is the right time or not but here goes. I’m going to let you in on something here (which some of you probably already know):

This really has very little to do with trusting anyone or anything outside of yourself.  By your age you’ve probably figured out most of the important, practical stuff in life that’s trustworthy or not (enough to get by anyways).

This is about trusting yourself!

~and~
What do I mean by that?

I mean things like: having some insight into your strengths and weakness | knowing who & where to go to for support & help / i.e who really loves you and is there for you?  These kinds of things you have learned over time by taking emotional/feeling risks in TRUSTING  yourself and/or others. And these types of risks (which were probably more risky emotionally than cognitively) paid off BIGTIME*! ⇒

FEELING SAFE/SAFETY/LOVED | ALIGNMENT WITH YOUR TRUE SELF
⇒ REAPING REWARDS OF EASIER, MORE RELAXED APPROACH TO LIFE | LESS STRESS | LETTING GO ….. aaahhhh..

no guarantees remember — but think of the alternatives of not risking, not trusting 

and

“How?

…do I hone this skill, and learn this elusive capacity to TRUST more fully?” you ask.

Well,

…I haven’t come across a formula for doing this [it might be out there, I just haven’t come across it]. I think it’s an individual process ~ AND ~ I think there are several things we all can practice when trying to hone this skill. May I offer a gentle suggestion dear reader…

PRACTICE THIS!

FEEL (a want/a need/a desire) ⇔ Stay focused  on that
Until you feel ready
{and eventually you will | trust me} 😉
to ⇒ Risk ⇒ Taking action and Reaching out for what you Desire
From this you will learn | about yourself and others
And from this you will learn what to TRUST

And

…because there are no guarantees remember  {but think of the alternatives}, 

 

 You must stay strong
For you will have a few hurts & disappointments along the way
{this I can pretty much guarantee}  AND  {Good News is!}
This is all part of learning to TRUST more fully and deeply in your
KNOWING and STRENGTH and RESILIENCE

IN YOUR ~ SELF
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so ⇒ PRACTICE SOME MORE

CONTINUALLY

INDEFINITELY
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I guess this is a formula of sorts if you want to use it as such. If you do choose to experiment with this  please feel free to make any changes that make it work better for YOU — make it your own. And keep me posted as to how it goes.

’till next time

TME