A 2 minute read

Give

Give freely, willingly, unconditionally

GIVE

EXCEPT when…

You don’t want to. It doesn’t feel great, it feels like work, or too much effort, or done begrudgingly, or you feel used, or you’re expecting of

something in return (i.e. conditional)…

THEN DON’T!

Well that can sound like a no-brainer to some and can induce guilty discomfort in others
-and-
I’m going to up the ante a bit more by sayin’

I consider even an expectation of “thank you” or any expectation of gratitude (although courteous and polite) to be an expectation nonetheless.  If you want/expect thanks & gratitude  …THEN  you are not giving unconditionally … DON”T

BECAUSE

… if you do give conditionally … you will end up either judging and resenting the receiver, judging and resenting yourself,  angry with them, angry with yourself, annoyed and not knowing why, disgruntled, blameful of yourself or of them, depressed {and not knowing why or not able to feel/express your anger}… or any combination of the previous experiences.

AND

… the receiver will know and  feel your unconditional giving and it won’t feel good for them. They may feel uncomfortable (and not know why), angry at you or themselves (and not know why), uncomfortable and/or resentfully indebted to you. They may, consciously or unconsciously, feel uncomfortable by what you are not expressing openly. Or any combination of the previous experiences.

SO

Stop before you say yes to giving. Ask yourself: “Do I really want to say Yes or No to this request?” It may only take a split second for you to know your answer.

Reminder #1: No[period] is a complete sentence.
Reminder #2: You do not always owe explanations for saying No.
Reminder # 3: The person making the request may not be expecting {or wanting} an explanation from you.

AND, you may also choose to say something like :  “Let me sleep on it and I will get back to you.” -or- “Now isn’t the best time for me. ______is better for me.”   You get the picture.

AND

..if for any reason you cannot/won’t give unconditionally [remembering: you do not always owe explanations], it’s ok to state your conditions [clearly, simply and unambiguously] and  say “Yes, I’m happy to give you what you want under these conditions [state your condition(s) clearly here]  is that ok with you?” Wait for the response and proceed accordingly. You have now moved into a negotiation whereby you can either give conditionally, or not at all. You have taken responsibility to create an interaction that you can make  satisfying for yourself.  You can never be the victim of  someone’s request of you to give them something again. That is, unless you are not paying attention and listening to yourself at the time of the request. In that case, circle back and read this post again.

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TME:  I’m happy to give freely of my knowledge and understanding , so if you have any questions please do not hesitate to ask 🙂

Unfortunately, at this time, I have lost my phone and my email is down …I’ll get back to you.