Love ’em | Leave ’em ?

LoadedLOVE

Or

Do I Love It ?

 

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In my 3 articles on procrastination  <UNPROCRASTINATION 1|PT.2 |PT.3>  I write about a procrastination bug-a-boo of mine ~ the piles of paper ~ around my place that continually plague me; clutter I cannot bring myself to deal with,  to get rid of.

I recently came across another writer, named Kimberly Lo,

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/05/a-simple-approach-to-getting-rid-of-clutter/

who introduced me to a book called “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing,” by Marie Kondo

She praised the book and how Kondo’s advice had changed her life.

In a nutshell the life changing advice boils down to 4 words:  Q: Do I love it ?

Such a seemingly, simple question.  A:  Yes or No.  Right?

A N D yet,

…we all know it’s such a rich, L O A D E D and multilayered question. Loaded and difficult enough, when it comes to deciding whether to let go of  stuff; something  you’ve had for years, something you thought you loved and assumed you would always have (a picture/photo/letter/book/favourite piece of clothing/your child’s outgrown toy(s)… and the list goes on.

But,

…what about saying goodbye to relationships: lovers, partners,  friends, fellow workers, employees, colleagues and more.  That’s not the same as de-cluttering you say.

Maybe,

It may seem ridiculous to call ending relationships decluttering.  After all, how could you possibly consider objectifying people and labeling them as clutter!?  Well, it might not be quite as hard as you might imagine.  It has certainly been done.  NOT BY ME mind you!  But it has been done.   MANY  TIMES.

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 These definitions from dictionary.com are perfect examples of how this has occurred,     many times  {but not by me} …

6. a state or condition of confusion.   |   7. confused noise; clatter.   |.  5. mess, disorder, jumble.

I mean, really, absolutely all of the above definitions could easily be used in describing all of my, too numerous, family gatherings.

 

And then we have:

• The problem with thinning out this clutter lies in the fact that any American citizen 35 or older can be president.

  All the Also-Rans for President Jack W. Germond March 28, 2011

• The brands you remember are the ones that break through the clutter —that will be the same for you.

  Family, Mentors Fuel Executive Achievement Daily Beast Promotions November 15, 2010

Historical Examples

• She’d better not clutter up her house with too many things; it is full enough already, with Blyth and Meredith.

  Mrs. Tree’s Will Laura E. Richards

  …all of these examples associate people with clutter.  People<=>clutter  |  Enough said!

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So

What if we  p r e t e n d e d  to look at people like ‘stuff‘ and clutter in our lives
~  as an exercise and  as an experiment ONLY mind you ~

I realize  how harsh and cold I must sound gentle reader
                                   (but , never mind…I’m seeing my therapist soon)

This is an experiment in shifting perspective ~ a change of perspective is always refreshing. Right?

A change of perspective to help lessen the pain of letting go, relinquishing,

Freeing yourself  … 

  Aahhh – doesn’t that sound like a relief

 ? 

Hey, whatever works.

whatever gets you through the night

                                                        – J. Lennon

***

Don’t think of this thoughtlessful de-cluttering as

ABANDONING | FOSAKING | REJECTING | the RIPPING OUT of a LOVED ONE’S HEART

 It is anything but. It is just the opposite.

If I haven’t convinced you by the end of this tirade I will drop this (non-) issue (for a little while anyway) and pester you no more (until I do).   And, if you find yourself traumatized, please let me know;   I’m certain my therapist can squeeze us both in at my next session.

***

An Exercise In Freeing Oneself | or Transforming | Unwanted / Unhealthy Relationships

Stop right now and, look around the room
Pick out something that interests you – a book, a picture, a piece of furniture
Give it your full attention | take it in
FEEL whatever spontaneously comes up | both thoughts and feelings 
NO judgement or internal conversation about it
NOTICE any body feelings|discomfort|pleasure|tightening|relaxing|numbing| anything 
NO judgement or internal conversation about it | Just Notice
When clear and satisfied with your spontaneous feeling-response,  ask yourself

~
DO I LOVE IT?
~

Then wait – DO NOT THINK ABOUT – Be Still | Empty | Wait

What emerges? What is your gut | non thinking | internal~visceral response ?

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CAUTION:  do not revert back to your familiar,  same-old-same-old, hamster on a wheel,  internal, ‘yes-but’ dialogue/conversations.

*** That’s where you started | That’s what you want to get away from ***

Instead, easily | effortlessly | without  t r y  i n g  >  stay with your feeling<>thought experience > wait | patiently > see if any new insights | inclinations | inspiration | direction | decision  emerges 

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Practice with other inanimate objects in the room
This practice, over time, will | naturally | lead to | inspirational | effortless | decluttering

This is called an EXERCISE for a reason — It takes repetition & practice.  You don’t strengthen your body and achieve your healthy, desired weight in 1 visit to the gym after all.     {I wish!}!

This is an  exercise in …

Balancing your head & heart

And, similar to physical exercise, it’s a lifelong commitment to staying fit and healthy and Balanced

SO

…I’m not saying you have to make your letting-go decision based on this one experiment alone. What I AM suggesting {with oomph!} is that it is often useful to:

S E P A R A T E    Thoughts  <| from |>  Feelings 

~ because more often then not they tend to get all smooshed together and mixed up and confus(ed)ing and you don’t know what you want to do and what decision to make and it gets frustrating and stuff and exhausting and can even make you upset and angry and you go back and forth and get into ‘yes-but’ conversations inside your head and with your friends and maybe whoever is handy and willing or even unwilling to listen and you drive yourself and everyone around you crazy and did I mention it gets confusing and …..exhausting……and kill me now….please….

AND

   This can be particularly useful when you are in a relationship that isn’t going the way you want it to and doesn’t feel quite ‘right’

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It’s more important to be in right relationship than it is to be right.

   ~ Rumi

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It may just be a way to give yourself  some breathing room | space | time | ease | relaxation | RELIEF!      You should feel some relief from this decision to pull away 

It’s not necessarily  a ‘goodbye forever’ | just a pulling back | a time to perhaps re-evaluate & re-negotiate your relationship

And even if it is a goodbye forever:

You can still ~ wish them well ~ send them good vibes ~ and ~love them from a distance  

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This is NOT an exercise in objectifying  people.  It’s an exercise in doing something                    FOR>Yourself | Not AGAINST> an objectified person

This is worth repeating:

If You are doing something  FOR  >Yourself  and Not AGAINST> Someone
Then you will probably feel lighter, spacious, RELIEVED!
And that feeling will serve you well and be lasting

BUT

  If it’s the other way around, and you are doing something to get-back-at, hurt, get even with [i.e. AGAINST] them, then you will probably end up feeling pretty crummy

— sure you may feel pleased with yourself immediately [which won’t last long]
and, in the long run, you will end up feeling unsatisfied & CRUMMY!
You may not fully realize why you feel crummy …but you most likely will–

Another way of framing all of this:

Do you love yourself enough to say goodbye, let them go, create space for yourself ?

to

| Declutter |

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 Put Yourself 1st !

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Ooohh, I feel a post on selfishness coming on
🙂

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And one last word from Nina